I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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