You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
