What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Randomize
