chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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