2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
