Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
