So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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