Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
