Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize