I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
