Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Let's get the cat blown out
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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