Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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