I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
