it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
