So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
