this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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