they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
