Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
