I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
