I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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