hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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