There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
