Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
