im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize