that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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