That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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