yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
