I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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