you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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