How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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