She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
