he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
