My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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