dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
