So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
