I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
