why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
honey bunches of taint.
worst night to have a conscience
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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