so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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