i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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