i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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