I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
