Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
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