god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
