your parents love me but you hate me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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