Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize