there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
