Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
