sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
