I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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