someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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