Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I am mentally ready for anal.
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