I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize