Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
