After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
