Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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