its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
