I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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