i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
