the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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