i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
