3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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