apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
