3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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