garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
