You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
