we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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