"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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