I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
