Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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