1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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