i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dicks are not precious.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
