Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you will always have a special place in my vag
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize