I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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