I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
