I cockslap morals
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
