I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
