yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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