ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
