did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
