Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
