I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
