What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
