we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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