is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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