I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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