I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
