She is in my trunk
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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