Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
