My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
