I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
