when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
