Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
