the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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