there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
