Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
