I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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