There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
