1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Such a big mess for such a small penis
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
